Playing with Grandad!

Just a Few Photos Today!

Stroppy Baby!

Not been a happy mummy today!

Ben woke up at 11 last night and was an absolute pain.  I went to him and comforted him, but everytime I aid him down, he cried and cried.  It took over two hours to settle him and then he woke up at 6.30 this morning.

It's generally been like walking a tightrope all day - a little shake becomes a bigger wobble and it amplifies until you fall off, into a whole realm of screaming and tantrums.

Lunch time, not putting his coat on fast enough, taking his shoes off, changing his damp clothes, picking him up, putting him down, almost everything became a stress.  I guess that's the challenge of being a parent - no matter how tired you are, how much you want to stand there and scream, you have to remain the adult and not get snappy.

Everytime Ben starts on one of his strops, it's so horrible.  I try so hard to work out what's wrong and fix it but sometimes it's frustrating because he's so frustrated, and nothing seems to work.

I feel quite guilty because Ben went to bed without a bath tonight - he normally has one every night, but I really couldn't face it this evening.  I'm hoping that having his "Bobert" back tomorrow may make all the difference, although that increases the guilty feelings as I'm relying on the help of a 7YO to make looking after my baby easier.

Anyway, let's stash those feelings for tonight and continue to enjoy the full feeling from our lovely Frankie and Benny tea!

Ben's Way of Standing Up for Himself!

Ben and I had Shining Stars this morning - Ben's biggest achievements were drinking lots of milk using his newly acquired cup skills, playing with Play Dough for ages and using the little slides completely unaided.

Ben also managed to stand up for himself for the first time - a little boy wanted the car Ben was playing with and tried to take it away.  Ben pointed his finger and said "No," but the little boy carried on trying to get it.  Ben proceeded to say "No!" louder and held his whole hand up as if to make the point, but the little boy continued, and so Ben gently pushed him away from the car and walked away.  This really seemed like quite a major development as he would normally give in or run away to find me.

Unfortunately, this didn't stop Ben being a clingy little monkey and he refused to be more than 6 feet away from me at any time - this really does give me mixed feelings - I love him to need me and want me, but it does get very tiring!

Music Bugs this afternoon was successful in one way as Ben actually took his coat off!  It seems strange as my little man is one of the eldest in the session, and easily the tallest - but he's still my baby.  He's also the most cuddley!  I think his favourite bit is putting the hand and finger puppets back in the "Bin" but I'm sure when he saw the finger puppet spider, he actually said "Yellow hat."  We have been working on colours but I didn't think he really understood them so the next few days will show if he really knows what we've been doing.  He seemed to enjoy playing with his cars this evening, especially sorting out the yellow ones so maybe I heard right.  It's so cute because he can't say "Yellow", it comes out as "Lello", the same way as he says "Hello".

James and Robert have gone off to their dad's for the weekend - I'm sure a great time will be had by all with them having extremely late nights and not doing anything except stay in the pub while he works.  Oh well, it looks like he's moving again soon, so at least this part of the story should be over soon!

Ben really wasn't very happy that his brothers have gone but I think we've done a good job to take his mind off it - especially thanks to Grandad!

And so on with our evening - Ben tucked up in bed, Si, dad and me chilling, watching tv with a glass of wine (shhhhhh! Don't tell Slimming World ;-))

Bit of an Early Birthday Start!

Unfortunately, our little Ben would appear to have been more excited by my birthday than I was!  He woke up at 4.30 and called "Mummy, mummy, mummy," for about 10 minutes before going back to sleep.  He wasn't crying and didn't appear to be in anyway distressed so we left him to it.

Then, at 5.30, Ben woke up and really didn't want to go back to sleep again - how I wish I had made better use of my full nights' sleep recently!

Received some lovely gifts and beautiful cards, then after the school run, Ben and I had a walk into town for a quick look around the shops - all I managed to get was a newspaper, and a sausage roll and drink for Ben.

Took Ben for a walk around Ascoughfee Gardens, and a play on the swings, followed up by a quiet afternoon.  Dad in law took us all out to the Chinese Buffet for tea so I had a lovely break from cooking.  All in all a very quiet day - and very unexciting to read about but I did get some funny photos of Ben........

I'd like a kiss mum..........

I'm puckering................



I'm ready now..................

Oooopppppssssss, too much!................

My eyes match the elephants!.................

Bit of a Sad One Tonight - Sorry!

Tomorrow's my birthday.

I'm passed the age to want to celebrate - and just trying to think when that happened has really made me reflect on the past.

My 30th birthday was lovely - a big party and the hubby proposing

My 21st was a no show.

My 18th was another no show - a night up the pub with my mates but had to be home by 10.30pm, and not be drunk

My 16th was with my parents at the local Beefeater

My 13th was with about 8 friends at home, with a birthday tea, a black theme and a horror movie - which was a great laugh and so much fun as everything was so innocent and we could still get away with playing party games but we all felt so grown up dressed in black and watching a film which was really too old for us.

Prior to this, my mum organised many little parties for my birthdays, full of yummy food, music and games, with my mum normally stealing the limelight and being the life and soul of the party - she was always more popular with my friends than I was (or so it seemed to me!) 

Something I do remember was what my mum said every birthday, for as long as I can remember, in her own, special way: " Ok, then, where's my present?  It may be your birthday but if I hadn't given birth to you, you wouldn't be having it!"

I honestly believe that it is impossible to really appreciate your mum until she's no longer there.

Without looking through rose-tinted glasses, our relationship was far from perfect - from both sides.  But knowing she was at the end of the phone and would always be there, whatever I did was such a warm feeling that you don't realise exists until it's gone.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting here wallowing in self pity, it's just a melancholy, reflective moment.  I know there are many people who never knew their parents, therefore I understand how lucky I am.  I also know they would be really pleased at how contented with life I am - and that I eventually got the life they wanted for me.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss either my mum or my dad - as I watch my boys grow up, I know how proud they would be of them, but they have missed out on so much.  The love of my parents would have been passed on to them and they would have loved spending time with them.  The boys have lost two of the people that would have been most influential to them.  It's for the boys that I feel most sad as the sharp pain I felt at the losses has dulled with time, just leaving an empty hole, that only your parents can fill. 

A bizarre thought that remains with me is that the people who made me have gone - the womb I came from has disappeared into the earth, and with it part of me.

It always made me giggle at the thought of giving my mum a birthday present on my birthday when I was little, but maybe it is a good time to say a little thank-you for all that mothers have given us, and remember to give your mum and dad an extra hug next time you see them.

And, on that note - time to go for tonight.........

Tuesday is Ben's Day!

I love Tuesdays!  No Tumble Tots, Shining Stars, Music Bugs or anything else, just the two of us.  Even James and Robert have football after school so it's a clear run until 4.30.

We started the day with Play Dough:

Then onto the balls:

My new hat:

My new drinking skills:

Feeding the ducks and swans on the way to collect Big Brothers:

Getting dark but the ducks and swans were certainly hungry:

View down the River Welland:

"Daddy, you've forgotten your bag!":